Get rid of him!

Photos, notes, keepsakes, postcards, anything that you’ll cry all over or that will weaken your will. Put them all in a shoebox and gaffer tape the lid.

Next, summon your sister or besty and get the box out of the house! It is now her job to keep the thing away from you!

If you need to rip up a few photos first, well you just go ahead!

It can be quite invigorating.

Put the rest away because down the track, when you are all better, you might want to remind yourself of what an ugly bastard he was!

Welcome the new YOU

After the initial 'mourning' period, we need to get moving again and find a new project or outlet to immerse ourselves in. Time flies when your having... well it moves along a little faster than if you stay in bed.
Now is a good time to think about the new you.
It is hard to look forward to anything but if you think about the things you wanted to do or the person you wanted to be before all this, it's a start into developing a new beginning and a new life for yourself.
I have a CD a friend made for me after my last split. It contains songs from a time when we were hanging out and having fun together as singles, dancing, going out and traveling together.
When I played it ( and still ), it made me feel more important some how and stronger. It also made me feel more confident and that it really was his loss after all.

What were the things you wanted to do before he came along?

What are the things you put aside until later to do?

Now is the time for you, write a list. It may seem daunting to think of stepping into the world as you as a singular person but what better way than unencumbered??

The Ache

The devastation that comes with a relationship split is extraordinary.
The pain can be like that that comes with the death of a loved one or the news of a terrible illness.
It is life changing.
Whether it is the demise of a long term love or the sudden end to a passionate new encounter that had so much hope and yearning to it, the finality can be like that of taking a bullet to the sternum.

In fact, sometimes it is the end of the newer relationship that stings the most!
Because it was still so heated and raw and vulnerable, the new relationship break-up can be the more painful and confusing.

Patterns are harder to identify and potential problems overlooked because of the initial passion.
You just don't see it coming.

Even a relationship that has seemed sturdy can start to unravel...

Any change or pressure in the normal day to day comings and goings of a relationship can tip the scales to a crisis. There isn’t automatically a third party and if there is, it may not be a sexual thing. Even a same-sex friend can upset the balance in a seemed to be healthy relationship. Financial crisis can be another trigger, illness, pregnancy or a move to a new location.
People grow and change throughout their lives and it’s tricky to do it at the same rate as your partner.
There is no sure fire guard against this happening but the best way to weather change is with communication and to be sure and confidant in yourself.
Our own self esteem is key to our own happiness. If we work on ourselves and getting what we want out of life, we are staying in charge of our own destiny.
We should never have to sacrifice who we are for a relationship.
Don’t settle for less than what you’re worth just to have one.

Keep Moving

You need to feed yourself
Dress yourself
And keep yourself clean!

Brush your teeth
Brush your hair
Make your bed
(It’ll stop you getting back into it)

You won’t have much of an appetite so use this as a time to shift your relationship with the food you eat and get healthy!
You’ll be happier once you are looking trim and terrific!

Friends

Summon your friends!
You need to talk and that’s what they’re for!
Spread your grief among them (so you don’t wear them out) and that way you’ll get a balanced perspective. You can never hear enough, how much better off you are without him but avoid mud slinging or you’ll end up defending him! Not something we want to do at this point!

Oh yeah, and while I Think of it,

Your friends must NOT ask you if you think their may be someone else!

That kind of question will only mess with your mind!



YES, HE DID SAY HE LOVED YOU.

He may have been the one who pursued YOU.

He may have talked of trips away, of children and of real estate.

He may have even picked the Wedding venue!

We don’t know why it happens but sometimes a switch gets flicked and all that is

GONE.

He may even feel guilty about that and he may hate hurting you but, if you keep reminding him of the past and the promises he made, he will only want to run FASTER. If it’s commitment he’s running from, reminders of how he’s let you down will send him further into the hills.

If you keep going over it in your head, you will be suffering long after the ink has dried on his ticket to Tibet!

Friends! Gather round!
Here’s what you can do…..

●Talk to each other & rotate shifts daily to check on your broken friend

●Send supportive texts throughout the day / week

●Get her up and make sure she eats!

●Drop a digit off his number in her phone

●Drop around, make her a cuppa and do her dishes..

●take her kids for an hour or an afternoon

●Monitor her Men-tal state

●Don’t let her drink too much

●Talk her out of calling him

●Talk to her

●Listen to her

●Drop over with a movie and a block of chocolate

●Make her a groovy up beat C.D

●Go out for lunch

●Tell her how Hot she looks, NEVER how tired, drawn, pale or sick she looks

●If you can, get a few of you together and get away for a few days

●Make sure she doesn’t get radical with her hair!

●Wash her hair

●Make food for her

●Tell her how much better off she is BUT don’t run him down ( WE know he’s a tosser )

●Remind her of all her wonderful qualities

●He IS a bastard but if you keep telling her, she’ll start to defend him!

●BE PATIENT

●Run her a bath or push her into the shower!

•Do not give her updates on him or tell her what he’s said. She needs space without his name in it!

• Take her for a walk or to do a yoga or boxfit class
• Pour her a wine, but not the whole bottle

Most of all she needs you! She needs to babble for a bit and be understood.

When you can't get out of bed..

A couple of days in bed is fine but after that, you need to start functioning again. It will seem an impossible task to get out and do the things required of your day but it is what you need to do. Routine is what gets you through , and every day you get behind you is one more in your time bank of healing.
In perfect circumstances, you’d avoid seeing or having contact with him for about a year (It’d take about that long for you to be objective anyway). This could be a difficult thing to do depending on where you live and what your situation is. If you have Children together, perhaps you could get a third party to go-between for at least a couple of weeks (or Months). You probably don’t want to get other people involved but you have to put yourself first for a while.
The Kids don’t need to be witness to teary confrontation or angry outbursts either.
You may be surprised at the emotion that comes over you at the sight of him.
Sometimes its anger, sometimes utter grief and sometimes its white cold. Whatever it
is you’re feeling, it’s not good for the children to see. They need you to be strong and
to let them know you are there to look after them.
The better you handle yourself, the better you will FEEL about yourself!

Women will usually feel the sting of break-up straight away (or pretty soon after the initial shock has worn off). The effects of it will hit rather quickly and that undertow drags them down pretty much from the outset.
A Man, on the other hand, (usually, there can be the odd exception) will take a while for it to sink in. They have a ‘head in the sand’ automatic kick in and so, won’t ‘feel’ it straight away. Maybe that is why so often after a painful break-up for a Female, months down the track, the Man will suddenly, out of the blue, start making changes (or promising to ‘change’) crying, and trying to get the girl back, when it is way too late and the girl has already, (and finally), moved on.

That is not to say that yours is going to want you back.
Hang on to that hope and you’ll just prolong your heartache. No matter what the future holds, from this moment on, IT IS OVER!

Your brain will be tick, tick, ticking away. You will start to go over and over again the last words, the last week and everything that has been said between you for months.

Don’t.

It won’t help you and either will your imagination. Whatever you dream up, whether possibility or fantasy, it won’t prepare you anyway, it’s just the brains way of torturing the heart. It is all called ‘BEFORE’ and does not apply now.
Going over and over it in your mind will do your head in and you will read far more into it than is reality.

It’s shitty. No one deserves it. Everyone experiences at some point and it sucks!The hard truth is, you will live through it, even if you don’t want to, and things do get better. There is no ‘quick’ way around it, no cure and no escape, just headlong
through the middle of it, gradually healing as you go along.

YOU WILL BE O.K
Repeat after me,
I WILL BE O.K
I WILL BE O.K

Hey! At least you’ll lose a few kilos!

If at first you don’t feel like getting out of bed, don’t. Sleep is good for healing. If you can manage a couple of days off from work to rest do so. It’s a bit
harder if you have kids as you will have to keep functioning to take care of them. This can be a good thing as well though as they will keep you going and you’ll sleep well at night with the exhaustion. Do not use them as confidants,it’s not their job. That’s what your friends are for. You mustn’t wipe your emotional feet on your children either; whatever you feel about ‘him’ your children are not your accomplices. Their self worth is closely connected to who he is, so running him down to them will hurt them deeply, even if you can’t see it and even if they are on your side. They love you that is what you need from them.

A couple of days in bed is fine but after that, you need to start functioning again. It will seem an impossible task to get out and do the things required of your day but it is what you need to do. Routine is what gets you through and every day you get behind you is one more in your time bank of healing.

In perfect circumstances, you’d avoid seeing or having contact with him for about a year (It’d take about that long for you to be objective anyway). This could be a difficult thing to do depending on where you live and what your situation is. If you have Children together, perhaps you could get a third party to go-between for atleast a couple of weeks (or Months). You probably don’t want to get other people involved but you have to put yourself first for a while. The Kids don’t need to be witness to teary confrontation or angry outbursts either.
You may be surprised at the emotion that comes over you at the sight of him.
Sometimes its anger, sometimes utter grief and sometimes its white cold. Whatever it
is you’re feeling, it’s not good for the children to see. They need you to be strong and to let them know you are there to look after them.

The better you handle yourself, the better you will FEEL about yourself!

He's told you it's over....
Right! From this moment on...
YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING!
(To him that is.)
Men need time to sit in it and the more you speak, the more he hears
blah blah blah…. His eyes glaze over and he closes up!

Un- plug the phone!
If you keep calling him you are helping him get over YOU!
Do not call him!
Do not txt him!
Do not call him!
Sooner or later he will start wondering where you are…

For Whatever reason, something you did, something he did or didn’t do,
A breakdown of communication, an event, or out of the blue, He’s gone.
(We are going to call the ‘departed’ he for simplification, if you’re ex is a she,
‘he’ will do, and shame on her!)
At a time like this, you need support, understanding and friendship.

There are different stages that you will go through in your ‘grieving’, some of
which will compel you to behave in a way you wouldn’t normally.
Coming away from a relationship with your dignity intact can be a hard thing to do,
especially if there have been a few late nights placated with liquid anaesthetic!

Whether the relationship came to an end out of the blue, like a side hook to
the face or a gradual knowing that has become a reality, it’s happened.

It’s gut wrenching.

It’s painful.

It’s like gasping for breath with your throat on fire or being hit in the solar plexus. A throb behind your eyes and your heart twisted sideways, your stomach has folded in on itself.

For a tiny nano second when you open your eyes in the morning, it’s as
though everything’s back to normal, it was all a nightmare. Then, like a tide
washing over you then crushing you into a sandbank the horror of reality is on
top of you again.

Uhhhh! How can the sun be out!? It should be dark, or raining, or just
‘stopped’! Why are birds chirping, people laughing? Don’t they know the world
has ended!? You grasp for the earlier feeling when you first woke but it’s
gone, the grey of the day has taken over and you wonder ‘how will I go on?’

Do people die from this?

They usually don’t!

The things we do...

“I was a co-humilliater! We went out, had a few too many and

giggling hysterically, we thought we’d take a detour past her

ex’s place… just to see if he was home. When we got there,

there were lights on so we snuck into his yard to peep through

the window.

Jo decided she was busting and couldn’t wait ‘til we got home,

so, she took a squat in HIS yard. Oh my God! It was soo

embarrassing and Jo never got over the humiliation when his

flatmate came home from his night out only to find us stooped

and giggling, her with her jeans around her ankles squatting in

his backyard UNINVITED! It’s just not something you can

explain”

Rhonda

The Break-Up

He’s gone (or going) and whether this is surprising or
not, it’s real.
He’s a shit!
For the next few weeks, nausea is your middle name.
You won’t be able to believe he can just ‘get on with it’
like that!
As a woman, we tend to ‘feel’ it first, right from the
outset.
It could take him a while longer… (weeks or months)
What we DON”T want to do, is to make it easier for him
to get over YOU.

In the event of a break-up, we will;

Think about what went wrong

Remember every word he said

Know everything he did wrong

Go over EVERY detail.

He will;

Drink (usually)

Hang with mates

Play Videogames

Surf, Golf, fish, punt, play footy or train (whatever it is he does)

And sometimes, start doing something he never did
when you were together!

He will usually try to AVOID thinking about it.
If he said he wants a break,

BREAK UP

He is just keeping you hanging while he’s having a look
at single life. It will TORTURE you and he is holding
ALL the cards…

Betheroony

Hi, and welcome to my Blog! This all started many years ago when I worked in the Hospitality and Hairdressing Industries.My Girls,Clients and sometimes strangers would walk in with a story or a confusion about a relationship break-up or dating conundrum. No matter what age, women have a story or anecdote to tell. While we dont always do the right or sensible thing, we all have our way of dealing with things and need the support and encouragement of friends.... These are our stories.