A couple of days in bed is fine but after that, you need to start functioning again. It will seem an impossible task to get out and do the things required of your day but it is what you need to do. Routine is what gets you through , and every day you get behind you is one more in your time bank of healing.
In perfect circumstances, you’d avoid seeing or having contact with him for about a year (It’d take about that long for you to be objective anyway). This could be a difficult thing to do depending on where you live and what your situation is. If you have Children together, perhaps you could get a third party to go-between for at least a couple of weeks (or Months). You probably don’t want to get other people involved but you have to put yourself first for a while.
The Kids don’t need to be witness to teary confrontation or angry outbursts either.
You may be surprised at the emotion that comes over you at the sight of him.
Sometimes its anger, sometimes utter grief and sometimes its white cold. Whatever it
is you’re feeling, it’s not good for the children to see. They need you to be strong and
to let them know you are there to look after them.
The better you handle yourself, the better you will FEEL about yourself!
Women will usually feel the sting of break-up straight away (or pretty soon after the initial shock has worn off). The effects of it will hit rather quickly and that undertow drags them down pretty much from the outset.
A Man, on the other hand, (usually, there can be the odd exception) will take a while for it to sink in. They have a ‘head in the sand’ automatic kick in and so, won’t ‘feel’ it straight away. Maybe that is why so often after a painful break-up for a Female, months down the track, the Man will suddenly, out of the blue, start making changes (or promising to ‘change’) crying, and trying to get the girl back, when it is way too late and the girl has already, (and finally), moved on.
That is not to say that yours is going to want you back.
Hang on to that hope and you’ll just prolong your heartache. No matter what the future holds, from this moment on, IT IS OVER!
Your brain will be tick, tick, ticking away. You will start to go over and over again the last words, the last week and everything that has been said between you for months.
Don’t.
It won’t help you and either will your imagination. Whatever you dream up, whether possibility or fantasy, it won’t prepare you anyway, it’s just the brains way of torturing the heart. It is all called ‘BEFORE’ and does not apply now.
Going over and over it in your mind will do your head in and you will read far more into it than is reality.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
It’s shitty. No one deserves it. Everyone experiences at some point and it sucks!The hard truth is, you will live through it, even if you don’t want to, and things do get better. There is no ‘quick’ way around it, no cure and no escape, just headlong
through the middle of it, gradually healing as you go along.
YOU WILL BE O.K
Repeat after me,
I WILL BE O.K
I WILL BE O.K
Hey! At least you’ll lose a few kilos!
If at first you don’t feel like getting out of bed, don’t. Sleep is good for healing. If you can manage a couple of days off from work to rest do so. It’s a bit
harder if you have kids as you will have to keep functioning to take care of them. This can be a good thing as well though as they will keep you going and you’ll sleep well at night with the exhaustion. Do not use them as confidants,it’s not their job. That’s what your friends are for. You mustn’t wipe your emotional feet on your children either; whatever you feel about ‘him’ your children are not your accomplices. Their self worth is closely connected to who he is, so running him down to them will hurt them deeply, even if you can’t see it and even if they are on your side. They love you that is what you need from them.
A couple of days in bed is fine but after that, you need to start functioning again. It will seem an impossible task to get out and do the things required of your day but it is what you need to do. Routine is what gets you through and every day you get behind you is one more in your time bank of healing.
In perfect circumstances, you’d avoid seeing or having contact with him for about a year (It’d take about that long for you to be objective anyway). This could be a difficult thing to do depending on where you live and what your situation is. If you have Children together, perhaps you could get a third party to go-between for atleast a couple of weeks (or Months). You probably don’t want to get other people involved but you have to put yourself first for a while. The Kids don’t need to be witness to teary confrontation or angry outbursts either.
You may be surprised at the emotion that comes over you at the sight of him.
Sometimes its anger, sometimes utter grief and sometimes its white cold. Whatever it
is you’re feeling, it’s not good for the children to see. They need you to be strong and to let them know you are there to look after them.
The better you handle yourself, the better you will FEEL about yourself!
through the middle of it, gradually healing as you go along.
YOU WILL BE O.K
Repeat after me,
I WILL BE O.K
I WILL BE O.K
Hey! At least you’ll lose a few kilos!
If at first you don’t feel like getting out of bed, don’t. Sleep is good for healing. If you can manage a couple of days off from work to rest do so. It’s a bit
harder if you have kids as you will have to keep functioning to take care of them. This can be a good thing as well though as they will keep you going and you’ll sleep well at night with the exhaustion. Do not use them as confidants,it’s not their job. That’s what your friends are for. You mustn’t wipe your emotional feet on your children either; whatever you feel about ‘him’ your children are not your accomplices. Their self worth is closely connected to who he is, so running him down to them will hurt them deeply, even if you can’t see it and even if they are on your side. They love you that is what you need from them.
A couple of days in bed is fine but after that, you need to start functioning again. It will seem an impossible task to get out and do the things required of your day but it is what you need to do. Routine is what gets you through and every day you get behind you is one more in your time bank of healing.
In perfect circumstances, you’d avoid seeing or having contact with him for about a year (It’d take about that long for you to be objective anyway). This could be a difficult thing to do depending on where you live and what your situation is. If you have Children together, perhaps you could get a third party to go-between for atleast a couple of weeks (or Months). You probably don’t want to get other people involved but you have to put yourself first for a while. The Kids don’t need to be witness to teary confrontation or angry outbursts either.
You may be surprised at the emotion that comes over you at the sight of him.
Sometimes its anger, sometimes utter grief and sometimes its white cold. Whatever it
is you’re feeling, it’s not good for the children to see. They need you to be strong and to let them know you are there to look after them.
The better you handle yourself, the better you will FEEL about yourself!
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
He's told you it's over....
Right! From this moment on...
YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING!
(To him that is.)
Men need time to sit in it and the more you speak, the more he hears
blah blah blah…. His eyes glaze over and he closes up!
Un- plug the phone!
If you keep calling him you are helping him get over YOU!
Do not call him!
Do not txt him!
Do not call him!
Sooner or later he will start wondering where you are…
For Whatever reason, something you did, something he did or didn’t do,
A breakdown of communication, an event, or out of the blue, He’s gone.
(We are going to call the ‘departed’ he for simplification, if you’re ex is a she,
‘he’ will do, and shame on her!)
At a time like this, you need support, understanding and friendship.
There are different stages that you will go through in your ‘grieving’, some of
which will compel you to behave in a way you wouldn’t normally.
Coming away from a relationship with your dignity intact can be a hard thing to do,
especially if there have been a few late nights placated with liquid anaesthetic!
Whether the relationship came to an end out of the blue, like a side hook to
the face or a gradual knowing that has become a reality, it’s happened.
It’s gut wrenching.
It’s painful.
It’s like gasping for breath with your throat on fire or being hit in the solar plexus. A throb behind your eyes and your heart twisted sideways, your stomach has folded in on itself.
For a tiny nano second when you open your eyes in the morning, it’s as
though everything’s back to normal, it was all a nightmare. Then, like a tide
washing over you then crushing you into a sandbank the horror of reality is on
top of you again.
Uhhhh! How can the sun be out!? It should be dark, or raining, or just
‘stopped’! Why are birds chirping, people laughing? Don’t they know the world
has ended!? You grasp for the earlier feeling when you first woke but it’s
gone, the grey of the day has taken over and you wonder ‘how will I go on?’
Do people die from this?
They usually don’t!
Right! From this moment on...
YOU NEED TO STOP TALKING!
(To him that is.)
Men need time to sit in it and the more you speak, the more he hears
blah blah blah…. His eyes glaze over and he closes up!
Un- plug the phone!
If you keep calling him you are helping him get over YOU!
Do not call him!
Do not txt him!
Do not call him!
Sooner or later he will start wondering where you are…
For Whatever reason, something you did, something he did or didn’t do,
A breakdown of communication, an event, or out of the blue, He’s gone.
(We are going to call the ‘departed’ he for simplification, if you’re ex is a she,
‘he’ will do, and shame on her!)
At a time like this, you need support, understanding and friendship.
There are different stages that you will go through in your ‘grieving’, some of
which will compel you to behave in a way you wouldn’t normally.
Coming away from a relationship with your dignity intact can be a hard thing to do,
especially if there have been a few late nights placated with liquid anaesthetic!
Whether the relationship came to an end out of the blue, like a side hook to
the face or a gradual knowing that has become a reality, it’s happened.
It’s gut wrenching.
It’s painful.
It’s like gasping for breath with your throat on fire or being hit in the solar plexus. A throb behind your eyes and your heart twisted sideways, your stomach has folded in on itself.
For a tiny nano second when you open your eyes in the morning, it’s as
though everything’s back to normal, it was all a nightmare. Then, like a tide
washing over you then crushing you into a sandbank the horror of reality is on
top of you again.
Uhhhh! How can the sun be out!? It should be dark, or raining, or just
‘stopped’! Why are birds chirping, people laughing? Don’t they know the world
has ended!? You grasp for the earlier feeling when you first woke but it’s
gone, the grey of the day has taken over and you wonder ‘how will I go on?’
Do people die from this?
They usually don’t!
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
The things we do...
“I was a co-humilliater! We went out, had a few too many and
giggling hysterically, we thought we’d take a detour past her
ex’s place… just to see if he was home. When we got there,
there were lights on so we snuck into his yard to peep through
the window.
Jo decided she was busting and couldn’t wait ‘til we got home,
so, she took a squat in HIS yard. Oh my God! It was soo
embarrassing and Jo never got over the humiliation when his
flatmate came home from his night out only to find us stooped
and giggling, her with her jeans around her ankles squatting in
his backyard UNINVITED! It’s just not something you can
explain”
Rhonda
giggling hysterically, we thought we’d take a detour past her
ex’s place… just to see if he was home. When we got there,
there were lights on so we snuck into his yard to peep through
the window.
Jo decided she was busting and couldn’t wait ‘til we got home,
so, she took a squat in HIS yard. Oh my God! It was soo
embarrassing and Jo never got over the humiliation when his
flatmate came home from his night out only to find us stooped
and giggling, her with her jeans around her ankles squatting in
his backyard UNINVITED! It’s just not something you can
explain”
Rhonda
Sunday, June 7, 2009
The Break-Up
He’s gone (or going) and whether this is surprising or
not, it’s real.
He’s a shit!
For the next few weeks, nausea is your middle name.
You won’t be able to believe he can just ‘get on with it’
like that!
As a woman, we tend to ‘feel’ it first, right from the
outset.
It could take him a while longer… (weeks or months)
What we DON”T want to do, is to make it easier for him
to get over YOU.
In the event of a break-up, we will;
Think about what went wrong
Remember every word he said
Know everything he did wrong
Go over EVERY detail.
He will;
Drink (usually)
Hang with mates
Play Videogames
Surf, Golf, fish, punt, play footy or train (whatever it is he does)
And sometimes, start doing something he never did
when you were together!
He will usually try to AVOID thinking about it.
If he said he wants a break,
BREAK UP
He is just keeping you hanging while he’s having a look
at single life. It will TORTURE you and he is holding
ALL the cards…
not, it’s real.
He’s a shit!
For the next few weeks, nausea is your middle name.
You won’t be able to believe he can just ‘get on with it’
like that!
As a woman, we tend to ‘feel’ it first, right from the
outset.
It could take him a while longer… (weeks or months)
What we DON”T want to do, is to make it easier for him
to get over YOU.
In the event of a break-up, we will;
Think about what went wrong
Remember every word he said
Know everything he did wrong
Go over EVERY detail.
He will;
Drink (usually)
Hang with mates
Play Videogames
Surf, Golf, fish, punt, play footy or train (whatever it is he does)
And sometimes, start doing something he never did
when you were together!
He will usually try to AVOID thinking about it.
If he said he wants a break,
BREAK UP
He is just keeping you hanging while he’s having a look
at single life. It will TORTURE you and he is holding
ALL the cards…
- Betheroony
- Hi, and welcome to my Blog! This all started many years ago when I worked in the Hospitality and Hairdressing Industries.My Girls,Clients and sometimes strangers would walk in with a story or a confusion about a relationship break-up or dating conundrum. No matter what age, women have a story or anecdote to tell. While we dont always do the right or sensible thing, we all have our way of dealing with things and need the support and encouragement of friends.... These are our stories.
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