Valentines Day!

A very hard day to ignore your break-up is Valentines day.

Along with your Birthday, Valentines day is a day you could succumb to the low ebb.

It is really important to stay busy and plan your day around doing nice things for yourself. If money is an issue and you don't have the option of pampering, shopping or a elongated lunch, there are always cheaper alternatives..

You could plan a picnic with friends or a group walk or just spend it in with a action flick and a girlfriend. Any movie with one of the hunks  should do the trick and make him look like waste.

From now on Valentines day is about loving YOU <3 br="">

Get rid of him!

Photos, notes, keepsakes, postcards, anything that you’ll cry all over or that will weaken your will. Put them all in a shoebox and gaffer tape the lid.

Next, summon your sister or besty and get the box out of the house! It is now her job to keep the thing away from you!

If you need to rip up a few photos first, well you just go ahead!

It can be quite invigorating.

Put the rest away because down the track, when you are all better, you might want to remind yourself of what an ugly bastard he was!

Welcome the new YOU

After the initial 'mourning' period, we need to get moving again and find a new project or outlet to immerse ourselves in. Time flies when your having... well it moves along a little faster than if you stay in bed.
Now is a good time to think about the new you.
It is hard to look forward to anything but if you think about the things you wanted to do or the person you wanted to be before all this, it's a start into developing a new beginning and a new life for yourself.
I have a CD a friend made for me after my last split. It contains songs from a time when we were hanging out and having fun together as singles, dancing, going out and traveling together.
When I played it ( and still ), it made me feel more important some how and stronger. It also made me feel more confident and that it really was his loss after all.

What were the things you wanted to do before he came along?

What are the things you put aside until later to do?

Now is the time for you, write a list. It may seem daunting to think of stepping into the world as you as a singular person but what better way than unencumbered??

The Ache

The devastation that comes with a relationship split is extraordinary.
The pain can be like that that comes with the death of a loved one or the news of a terrible illness.
It is life changing.
Whether it is the demise of a long term love or the sudden end to a passionate new encounter that had so much hope and yearning to it, the finality can be like that of taking a bullet to the sternum.

In fact, sometimes it is the end of the newer relationship that stings the most!
Because it was still so heated and raw and vulnerable, the new relationship break-up can be the more painful and confusing.

Patterns are harder to identify and potential problems overlooked because of the initial passion.
You just don't see it coming.

Even a relationship that has seemed sturdy can start to unravel...

Any change or pressure in the normal day to day comings and goings of a relationship can tip the scales to a crisis. There isn’t automatically a third party and if there is, it may not be a sexual thing. Even a same-sex friend can upset the balance in a seemed to be healthy relationship. Financial crisis can be another trigger, illness, pregnancy or a move to a new location.
People grow and change throughout their lives and it’s tricky to do it at the same rate as your partner.
There is no sure fire guard against this happening but the best way to weather change is with communication and to be sure and confidant in yourself.
Our own self esteem is key to our own happiness. If we work on ourselves and getting what we want out of life, we are staying in charge of our own destiny.
We should never have to sacrifice who we are for a relationship.
Don’t settle for less than what you’re worth just to have one.

Keep Moving

You need to feed yourself
Dress yourself
And keep yourself clean!

Brush your teeth
Brush your hair
Make your bed
(It’ll stop you getting back into it)

You won’t have much of an appetite so use this as a time to shift your relationship with the food you eat and get healthy!
You’ll be happier once you are looking trim and terrific!

Friends

Summon your friends!
You need to talk and that’s what they’re for!
Spread your grief among them (so you don’t wear them out) and that way you’ll get a balanced perspective. You can never hear enough, how much better off you are without him but avoid mud slinging or you’ll end up defending him! Not something we want to do at this point!

Oh yeah, and while I Think of it,

Your friends must NOT ask you if you think their may be someone else!

That kind of question will only mess with your mind!



YES, HE DID SAY HE LOVED YOU.

He may have been the one who pursued YOU.

He may have talked of trips away, of children and of real estate.

He may have even picked the Wedding venue!

We don’t know why it happens but sometimes a switch gets flicked and all that is

GONE.

He may even feel guilty about that and he may hate hurting you but, if you keep reminding him of the past and the promises he made, he will only want to run FASTER. If it’s commitment he’s running from, reminders of how he’s let you down will send him further into the hills.

If you keep going over it in your head, you will be suffering long after the ink has dried on his ticket to Tibet!

Friends! Gather round!
Here’s what you can do…..

●Talk to each other & rotate shifts daily to check on your broken friend

●Send supportive texts throughout the day / week

●Get her up and make sure she eats!

●Drop a digit off his number in her phone

●Drop around, make her a cuppa and do her dishes..

●take her kids for an hour or an afternoon

●Monitor her Men-tal state

●Don’t let her drink too much

●Talk her out of calling him

●Talk to her

●Listen to her

●Drop over with a movie and a block of chocolate

●Make her a groovy up beat C.D

●Go out for lunch

●Tell her how Hot she looks, NEVER how tired, drawn, pale or sick she looks

●If you can, get a few of you together and get away for a few days

●Make sure she doesn’t get radical with her hair!

●Wash her hair

●Make food for her

●Tell her how much better off she is BUT don’t run him down ( WE know he’s a tosser )

●Remind her of all her wonderful qualities

●He IS a bastard but if you keep telling her, she’ll start to defend him!

●BE PATIENT

●Run her a bath or push her into the shower!

•Do not give her updates on him or tell her what he’s said. She needs space without his name in it!

• Take her for a walk or to do a yoga or boxfit class
• Pour her a wine, but not the whole bottle

Most of all she needs you! She needs to babble for a bit and be understood.

When you can't get out of bed..

A couple of days in bed is fine but after that, you need to start functioning again. It will seem an impossible task to get out and do the things required of your day but it is what you need to do. Routine is what gets you through , and every day you get behind you is one more in your time bank of healing.
In perfect circumstances, you’d avoid seeing or having contact with him for about a year (It’d take about that long for you to be objective anyway). This could be a difficult thing to do depending on where you live and what your situation is. If you have Children together, perhaps you could get a third party to go-between for at least a couple of weeks (or Months). You probably don’t want to get other people involved but you have to put yourself first for a while.
The Kids don’t need to be witness to teary confrontation or angry outbursts either.
You may be surprised at the emotion that comes over you at the sight of him.
Sometimes its anger, sometimes utter grief and sometimes its white cold. Whatever it
is you’re feeling, it’s not good for the children to see. They need you to be strong and
to let them know you are there to look after them.
The better you handle yourself, the better you will FEEL about yourself!

Women will usually feel the sting of break-up straight away (or pretty soon after the initial shock has worn off). The effects of it will hit rather quickly and that undertow drags them down pretty much from the outset.
A Man, on the other hand, (usually, there can be the odd exception) will take a while for it to sink in. They have a ‘head in the sand’ automatic kick in and so, won’t ‘feel’ it straight away. Maybe that is why so often after a painful break-up for a Female, months down the track, the Man will suddenly, out of the blue, start making changes (or promising to ‘change’) crying, and trying to get the girl back, when it is way too late and the girl has already, (and finally), moved on.

That is not to say that yours is going to want you back.
Hang on to that hope and you’ll just prolong your heartache. No matter what the future holds, from this moment on, IT IS OVER!

Your brain will be tick, tick, ticking away. You will start to go over and over again the last words, the last week and everything that has been said between you for months.

Don’t.

It won’t help you and either will your imagination. Whatever you dream up, whether possibility or fantasy, it won’t prepare you anyway, it’s just the brains way of torturing the heart. It is all called ‘BEFORE’ and does not apply now.
Going over and over it in your mind will do your head in and you will read far more into it than is reality.